So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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