No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
