remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
