it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
