??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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