Moan for me like Helen Keller
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Randomize