when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I'm passing your future prison.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
