i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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