My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
