you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Sorry about my life...
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
