Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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