Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
