I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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