apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
