tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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