I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
worst night to have a conscience
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
