do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
this is an emotional support booty call
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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