I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
