Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
