There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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