for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
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