I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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