She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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