I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
