State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
