He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
