The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
