the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I need moral support for this bender
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
