i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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