Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
