Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
