Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
