everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
