So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
