the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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