do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
