Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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