Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
