What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
