listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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