He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
