Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
