i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize