We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
