I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
