I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
