Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
