Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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