how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
