I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
