I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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