Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
