Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
