She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
