we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
