god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
