You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
We are two peas in an std pod
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
there is puke in my bra ... again
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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