You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
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he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize