this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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