My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
