Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
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