Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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