I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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