I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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