i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
The feeling are messing with the penis
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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