dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
