i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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