I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
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