Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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