A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
