C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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