apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
